"One awesome thing about Eeyore is that even though he is basically clinically depressed, he still gets invited to participate in adventures and shenanigans with all of his friends. And they never expect him to pretend to feel happy, they just love him anyway, and they never leave him behind or ask him to change."
I see this quote about Eeyore go around on Facebook from time to time, and it’s always well-meaning and typically being shared by females who want you to be sure you’re thinking about your friends who are depressed and antisocial people and invite them to things and make them feel included and loved even though they may be miserable sad sacks. And that’s great! I applaud that message and fully support the idea that you should always invite your friends to participate in the things you have going on, even if they aren’t particularly social and tend to be sad-sacks who are a drag to be around. See, when they post this they always make the “Eeyore” types out to be the victims of people not wanting to be around them because of their dreary demeanors. But here’s the thing about Eeyore that makes him different from those poor, “victimized” Debbie Downers that middle-aged suburban white women want so desperately to protect the feelings of… Eeyore actually went when he was invited.
Crazy, isn’t it; the idea that Eeyore’s friends continue to invite him to come along with them on their adventures in spite of his dreary demeanor, just loving him anyway and never asking him to change? It’s like some foreign concept in modern society that the rest of the gang didn’t care if Eeyore was going to be gloomy and depressing and always look at the worst possible outcome of everything and be a total drag; they just wanted him to come along with them for the adventure. They could bear his personality because they knew it would be a good time and he would feel welcome and loved and enjoy himself even if he would never say as much. At the end of the day, they just wanted their friend to come along with them. And HE WENT!
That’s the hard part for the people who generally share this meme and make the depressed out to be victims that seems impossible to understand… HE WENT. The ones who share this because they think they’re the Eeyore in their own story, or who are so desperate to defend the Eeyore’s in their stories, make it about the in-groups not reaching out and inviting those sad-sacks to come along for the adventures. They make it seem as though the people who love and enjoy life and are generally upbeat don’t want to be around their depressed friends. As if they’re going to bring everyone down and make hanging out and going on adventures in to a bad time. But the reality is what actually happens is they invite their “Eeyore’s” time and time again…and they keep getting rejected, told no, stood up. And it turns out that no matter how upbeat and life loving some people are, you can only be rejected so many times before you figure out that the person you keep trying to invite along for your adventures just doesn’t want to be around you. So you leave them to be alone and do whatever it is they’d prefer over come be part of the group. See, Eeyore actually showed up and participated with his friends; in spite of his depression and negative outlook on the world, he still went.
I am trying to focus more on positive, upbeat types of ideas this year, both in my podcast and in my writing. I want to be encouraging and uplifting. In the last entry I talked about how I was raised and my approach to life that makes me a generally positive person. I also talked about the poverty mentality that drags some people down in to failure over and over again. A mentality of victimhood that crushes any will to strive for better or more. It’s the same thing you see in victimizing the Eeyore’s. It’s a form of that poverty mentality. Blaming everyone else for your own inaction. Blaming those who are happy for your unwillingness to just show up.
If you are sincerely suffering from depression or have some sort of social anxiety or legitimate health issue (be it mental or physical) that prevents you from being able to actually go and do things, there are options for seeking help and getting better. And if it’s not something diagnosable and it’s just that you think you’re not wanted, that you’d be a drag on everyone else, that you’d just be a sad sack and no one would want you around… you are absolutely wrong! When you’re invited, just show up! Literally no one who asks you to come be around them is ever going to be brought down by your presence, regardless of your demeanor. The thing that brings them down is when you continually say no or stand them up. THAT is what makes you a sad sack. THAT is why they stop inviting you. Not because you’d be a drag…you wouldn’t be, you never could be. It’s because the lack of your presence when they keep hoping you’ll be there is the true drag. It’s worse than any negativity you could bring. It’s a stab straight to the heart.
Whatever you do this year… do something! Just show up. Eeyore did, every single time.