Lost the Will

But finding it again through hope

I’m going to go full nerd here and talk about comic book stuff, so just bear with me because all of this has a point.

At the funeral I talked about Sean’s love of comic books. About the time we were watching one of the DC animated movies and Sean asked me “Dad, do you know Batman?” Of course, he just meant did I know who Batman was in terms of the comics, but I love good stories and entertaining, so I said “of course I know Batman, I used to be a Green Lantern!” I told him in college I was a Green Lantern, but after his mom and I found out that she was pregnant with him I gave up my ring because I couldn’t have bad guys coming after my kid to get to me. After telling him this, he ran upstairs and grabbed his little Green Lantern mask and light up ring and came back down wearing both, and said “well, since you can’t do it anymore, I’ll be a Green Lantern for you!” then he pushed the ring and made it light up. But it didn’t end there. He would tell all of his little friends how his dad was a retired Green Lantern and I would tell them about my “adventures” just patrolling Earth and trips to the moon, making sure everything was well and good with the world. I mean, when Earth already has great Green Lanterns like Hal Jordan, John Stewart, Kyle Rayner… and even Guy Gardner… there’s not really a whole lot that the “other Green Lantern” needs to do. I told them about that time when Superman died and Poppa disappeared for a while and came back as The Eradicator (the Superman with the yellow goggles who shot yellow lasers from his hands) and how weird that was for all of us; especially after Superman returned, beat him up, and then he came back to the farm to just be a normal guy again. The boys hung on every word and loved the stories. I think they were almost teenagers before they figured out it was all just me telling stories to entertain them.

Now, for the nerd out. Green Lanterns power is based on willpower. Willpower is “exerting control to do something (or restrain impulses),” which is something I’ve always prided myself in. Saying a child is “strong-willed” usually means they’re going to do whatever they’ve put their mind to, be that for good or bad. As an adult, that trait usually means you’re going to do whatever is necessary to make things happen, to move things forward, to get the job done. As I said, I’ve always prided myself in having a strong will, no matter what else is going on in life, to push forward and keep getting things done that need to be done. But these past couple weeks I feel like I’ve lost my will a bit. I’m still getting stuff done…but I just don’t have that extra push to exert myself beyond what is absolutely necessary. I’m still moving forward, but I just don’t feel the will to push myself. And I know it’s because I lost a huge part of what drove me forward…trying to live out the strength, values, and yes the will, that I wanted my son to see and carry over into his own life. My will was to set the example for him, so he would be the man I knew he was capable of growing in to.

But green isn’t the only Lantern in the DC universe. Every color of the color wheel represents a different Lantern Corp, and each of them represents a different element of the emotional spectrum. I did a whole lesson on the color wheel with the kids based on the different Lantern Corps.

So we’ve already established that green symbolizes willpower. And then we have red for anger, orange for greed, and yellow for fear (these are, obviously, the bad emotions/powers). Indigo is compassion, which I personally struggle with. Violet is the Star Sapphire Corp, which is powered by love. And finally, blue represents hope.

The cool thing about blue is it’s considered (by some lore) to be the most powerful of the emotions; but alone it can’t reach full potential. But when in close proximity to Green Lanterns (willpower), the Blue Lanterns become more powerful. Not only that, but they enhance the strength of the Green Lanterns nearby as well. And that’s what I’m working on. Finding hope again. Through my wife and daughters, my brother and nephew (and the new niece or nephew who’s on the way!), through my parents and aunts and uncles… through all of the incredible friends who have supported us through all of this. Through the willpower that I see in all of them to keep pushing forward, to keep living life to its fullest; to keep doing not just what needs to be done, but to excel in those things and be amazing! That gives me hope, and that hope fuels my will. Slowly but surely, I can feel it elevating me back to being the super hero my son thought I was for so long, pushing me to continue to be the man I wanted him to see and emulate and grow in to.